


Compromising

by serapheim



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Crying, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, One-Sided Relationship, Romance, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Threesome, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 17:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/839533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serapheim/pseuds/serapheim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He loves him, but he loves another. How are they going to deal with that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Compromising

**Author's Note:**

> request done for ravenlock_3. The prompt “What am I supposed to do with this?” Switching POV.

_“And then we kiss_  
 _Your love comes alive on my lips_  
 _I feel the rush_  
 _Coming over me, over me_  
 _And when we touch_  
 _This moment when everything's still_  
 _I close my eyes_  
 _And then we kiss”_  
   
Britney Spears “And then we kiss”  
   
*****  
   
He smiles that kind smile of his and I drop his hand. He doesn’t pull away, but holding his hand like that, that intimately, feels wrong. Awkward. Bittersweet. So, I let go.  
   
He regards me with those brown eyes of his and I feel them penetrate my very soul. I know that he knows how I feel. Him knowing it will change nothing. But it doesn’t lessen the pain. It makes it worse.  
   
We stand so close, I can feel his body heat. It draws me, beckons me. I can feel it sipping through my skin. My whole being wants him in, to become part of him. But we do not touch.  
   
He is a kind kid, smart kid. He deserves much more than my perverse love, and I have nothing else to give. So, I am glad that he doesn’t touch me. That he doesn’t return my feelings. I know that he cares, but not that much. Not enough.  
   
 _I understand_ , his eyes seem to tell me. But his understanding, his acceptance and kindness aren’t enough. They are not what I want. But I will have to live with all I can get.  
   
I close my eyes, feeling the tears gather and threaten to spill. He moves and I feel his lips press to mine briefly, chastely. I whimper. And a tear rolls down my cheek. I shiver, but it is not his hands that embrace me, it is not his body that presses to mine.  
   
“You are so stupid, Jaejoong,” the quiet voice says. A chin on my shoulder, Yunho fully supports my weight, letting me lean into him.  
   
I sniff and let out a bitter laugh.  
“I know,” I say, “but I had to tell him.”  
   
The arms squeeze tighter.  
“I know,” Yunho says.  
   
His pain is hurting me no less than mine is hurting him. And I don’t know when our lives have turned into such a mess.  
   
//  
   
The talk with Changmin has shaken me to the bone. All I can do is stumble blindly to the only person who I know will be able to understand. Who knows everything I know. Who feels as strongly as I do.  
   
I pass other guys, ignoring their looks of concern. There is nothing I can tell them, no excuse I can come up with to explain the tears that simply won’t stop. My sight is blurred, but I find the room and drag myself inside and even manage to close the door.  
   
Jaejoong is sitting on his bed, leaning at the backboard, a book in his lap, though I doubt he was reading. His face is in an instant alarm and he flings a books aside, when he sees the state I am in, and I can’t help admiring the way he still cares about me in spite of his own grief.  
   
I stumble to the bed, falling on it, crawling to Jaejoong in my obvious misery, hiding my face in his lap. The tears won’t cease and he is holding me, his hands moving through my hair, soothing.  
   
He doesn’t need to ask, so I simply start pouring out everything. My talk with Changmin, his distress and my pain. Everything. I can feel him tense and then relax again. And then he is shaking too, and I know that it is a blow to him as well as it was, is, to me. But it must be said, because it is truth and he has to know it.  
   
His hands roam my back and then he is urging me to move higher and lie practically on top of him. I oblige and hide my face in the crook of his neck and I almost feel as if I am being hugged by a parent, his affection is so simple and unselfish, in spite of where his hearts preferences lay. At this moment I know that he loves me and aches for me and would do everything to lessen my pain.  
   
Alas I am not as noble as he is, so I kiss his shoulder and push myself off him a bit, so I can see his face. His cheeks are wet, as well as mine, his eyes are red and I can feel that he knows what I am going to ask of him, and I know that he accepts it and maybe even welcomes it. I feel like a bastard, but I still say it.  
   
“Let me love you, Jaejoong.”  
   
He simply nods and kisses me. I feel him open up to me like a flower does to the sun. He gives all of himself into a simple act of kissing; giving everything, asking for nothing in return. To know that he does that, although he doesn’t love me, is painful. And nevertheless addictive.  
   
We cry as we make love, and then we rest both exhausted and we need no words to express what the other is feeling. We are the one in having our hearts broken and being unable to have the one we love.  
   
*****  
It is an ungodly hour of six in the morning and I am sitting at the edge of the pool staring at the leaves and other litter floating on the surface. In an hour some hotel staff will come to clean it, but right now I am safe to be alone here.  
   
I enjoy staying in bed as long as I can and getting enough sleep is crucial, but when I get up early and go outside it gives me enough space and time to think. It’s a bit chilly in the morning and there are goosebumps all over my bare arms, but I refuse going back into the room to grab anything warmer than a sleeveless t-shirt I donned.  
   
It is hard to be close to anybody these days. Being around guys means that either Jaejoong or Yunho will be there as well, and seeing those two makes my heart ache  - each for different reasons.  
   
Jaejoong wouldn’t look me into the eyes, and if he does his face is a mask of misery and pain. He tries to avoid me at all costs, doesn’t speak to me or hug me. He doesn’t touch me at all.  
   
Yunho wouldn’t speak to me unless it is absolutely necessary, but even then his words would be brisk and stern. He acts very protective towards Jaejoong, acting as a buffer most of the time. But he is hurting too, I can see that.  
   
What I can not understand is why those two can’t be together. I know that they are close, but what is holding them back? I hope it is not my feelings for Yunho…  
   
I can hear the footsteps behind me and I turn and can’t hide my surprise at seeing Jaejoong. He doesn’t look at me directly, but he nods and crouches near me.  
   
For a brief moment he watches the same leaves I was watching some time ago. I am watching him now and I know that he is quite aware of it. Finally he says, “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to avoid you…”  
   
“It’s okay. I understand,” I answer quickly. I do understand but it doesn’t make it less painful.  
   
He shakes his head sadly. “Still it was unfair of me,” he says softly. He pauses and then adds, “I just wish you had told me earlier.”  
   
I shrug, feeling the familiar pain in my chest, “Yunho loves you. Not me. It is obvious. I just can’t understand why you can’t be together…”  
   
Jaejoong turns and looking straight into my face, first time in God knows how long. He looks tired, I suddenly realize.  
   
“Neither of us can be happy, because we can’t have what we want,” his hand gently brushes my cheek. “I care for him, but he is not whom I really want. I wish I could love him as much as I love you. I wish I could make him happy.”  
The hand is warm against my cheek, his thumb moves slightly brushing my skin. I feel the shiver run down my back.  
   
“I can’t change my feelings for him, or for you.” And it is truth. “But I want both of you to be happy.” And it is also truth.  
   
“You can make us happy, Changmin,” Jaejoong whispers. He leans close and his lips close on mine in the sweetest of the kisses.  
   
When we part, I feel confused at the surge of emotion that washes through me. His eyes shine with love and at that very moment I know that I can easily love him back. I smile. He stands up, offering his hand and gladly I accept. He helps me to my feet and keeps holding my hand for a moment and it feels nice to hold his too.  
   
But when I turn, I see Yunho watching us both. He doesn’t seem to be bothered at all. He smiles lightly, and holds out his hand to me. In confusion I turn to look at Jaejoong, but he just shakes his head and pulling his hand out of my grasp, pushes me slightly into Yunho’s direction.  
   
And I do move, although I feel utterly confused and shy out of sudden. Yunho’s grip is strong, unlike Jaejoong’s gently one, and he drags me closer, undoubtedly enjoying my surprise. His arm goes around my waist and suddenly I am pressed to his warm body and there is that rush of emotions again.  
   
And then he kisses me.  
   
I am terrified, and giddy, and happy, and I can’t feel my feet, and everything is swirling around me. But both of Yunho’s arms are around me, and Jaejoong’s hand at the back of my neck make it easier. They are my anchors. I grab Yunho’s shirt and grip Jaejoong’s other hand and cling to them as a drowning man to a straw.  
   
“I don’t know what to do… with this… feeling,” I mumble as I lean onto Yunho.  
   
“We’ll work it out,” Jaejoong whispers into my ear. And as I watch Yunho give him a gentle kiss on the forehead, I know that it is true. Jaejoong smiles at the gesture and it’s been long since I saw that smile.  
   
And I promise myself that I will give both of them more reasons to smile.  
   
//  
   
 _Written: Tuesday, August 22, 2006_  
 _Revised: Tuesday, 11 June, 2013_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Changing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/840009) by [serapheim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serapheim/pseuds/serapheim)




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